»HATES Homophobic, judgemental fuckwits, anyone with a god complex!
7:01 p.m. - 2006-01-17
I'm binging again. I know how the cycle goes...binge then purge then starve...I want to be a normal person and eat properly. I feel fat when I eat, I feel guilty. I don't enjoy food. All I taste is calories....making me fatter and fatter. I've been in recovery for over a year now. I'm 6'2 and at the worst I weighed around 140lbs. I validated this by looking at seriously underweight celebs and telling myself well I'm not that thin yet, even though people kept asking if I were ill. I'm around 160-170lbs now and I feel obese, although i know it is a perfectly healthy weight for my height. I still felt fat at 140lbs though. I don't see what other people do when they look at me. People tell me I'm beautiful and my figure is gorgeous..all I think is "not perfect enough". I'm never enough to please me. I suspect I have IBS because of what I've put my body through over the years. I wish I could just accept myself.