»HATES Homophobic, judgemental fuckwits, anyone with a god complex!
10:48 a.m. - 2005-12-28
It is snowing. It looks beautiful outside, fresh, new, clean. Perfect time for a fresh start. I have so many things to think about and work on. I haven't written for a long time. I guess it shows. When you don't exercise your brain it becomes weak like any other part of your body. I feel I let down everyone's expectations. I was intelligent. I could have done so much with my life. Instead I watch it just slip away while i sit and stare blankly. Everything just happens and I watch and do nothing. Certain people feel they know me and have the right to tell me what to do and think. I'm sick of being controlled. I belong to me. I don't belong to you. I don't owe you. Gifts should be given from the heart. I'm tired of gifts with hidden prices for me to pay. Not money, no. Just give yourself and be told who you are. How can you know me, when I no longer know myself. It's been a year since my grandfather/father figure died and I am still lost. Will I find my way again? I intend to. All I need is to be understood, not treated like a child. Try listening instead of telling. You know who you are. Of course you'll accuse me of taking out my anger on you while you claim to be a calm helper. The thing is...I'm not angry. Not even a tiny bit. I'm just saying what I feel, what I need to say. If you can't accept that without taking it as a personal attack, look at yourself. Maybe you're not the person you think you are. I'm tired of bottling things up to avoid angry confrontations. I am making peace with myself and my feelings. I will no longer be told my feelings are somehow invalid. There is someone new growing here. Someone who will no longer be made to feel guilty for being herself.