You don't have to read this. Honest.
7:50 p.m. - 2006-01-13
I'm so tired. I'm barely sleeping. Not eating regular. Smoking too much. Feel awful. I just need a good night's sleep, then I'd feel much better.
I hope my sister comes to see me tomorrow. That would be great, plus I owe her money. I really miss her, I've just been so damn busy and tired lately. I don't have a car so to see her I have to take the bus then walk quite a bit to my dad's house. I've barely had the energy to do my usual duties let alone anything extra.
My IBS has been horrible due to the lack of sleep, poor diet etc and the cold is affecting my hands and feet as I have Raynaud's too. I'm used to it though. I have to always wear socks in bed and gloves outside in cold weather. The problem is I washed my gloves and now I can't find them anywhere! I really should be more careful. I feel a little uncomfortable talking about my illnesses sometimes because I don't want to sound whiney about it. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I don't mention it for sympathy, It's a fact that IBS and raynaud's does affect my daily life. I just deal with it the best I can.
The one thing that does upset me is when people have assumed I'm putting it on "Oh Gia is always ill". Why on earth would I? Talented as I am (heh) I simply cannot make my hands turn blue just by thinking it. Sorry to disappoint, my powers don't stretch that far! As for IBS I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. It can be such a rotten illness and just sneak up on you when you least expect it.
But the way I see it you got two choices...you can sit and mope about it OR you can get on with your life. I know which one I choose.
It's funny how things don't turn out how you thought they would. I'm turning 26 this year. If you'd have asked me ten years ago where I would be right now, I'd say I'd have my own place, good job, husband or partner, and children.
I live with my mum, unemployed, single, no children.
Not exactly what I had planned. That's life though, it doesn't usually turn out as you wanted it to.
I still want children, and a career, I'm just not sure about letting a man into my life. I have horrible taste in men 99% of the time. It never works out well. As for a career, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!
I wanted to be everything so I ended up being nothing.
Sometimes I'm scared I'll leave having children until it's much too late.
I try not to get depressed but sometimes I feel pathetic. What do I have to show for my life? What have I done to make my life worthwhile?
Then other times I feel selfish for being depressed about it when there are people out there far worse off than me.
Maybe I'm just cracking up.
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