»HATES Homophobic, judgemental fuckwits, anyone with a god complex!
4:33 p.m. - 2006-01-21
Something is missing from my life, and I have no idea what it is. I keep feeling frustrated and sometimes even angry at the way my life has turned out. I wish I knew what it is that I need. I just don't feel very happy. I used to be content with everything. This is making me moody, angry, aggressive....terrible to be around. It's not fair to take it out on everyone else. I expected so much more than this. Each day passes as the one before it did. My life is slowly slipping away in a mind-numbing continual passage of nothing. I used to be able to find joy in the simplest things. A beautiful view could make me happy to be alive, a child laughing, a good book...all these could make my day. Now nothing seems to please me. I hate what I've become. All I want is something to happen to make me want to live. There is an emptiness inside me that nothing seems to fill. I want to be me again. I used to be a good person. Now I'm twisted and bitter with my losses, my bad experiences. Is it too late to change? Can I remove these scars on my soul and be a good person again? Sometimes I feel hurt from all this anger. I hate it. I just want to let go of it all. I don't like the changes in me, the distrust of men with the exception of male friends. Sometimes I am scared that I am insane. It terrifes me. I want to change, I need to change. I'M GOING TO CHANGE.